I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
