Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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