we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That accounts for only three of the penises
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
