i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
