I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
