Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
