All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
