i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
