Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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