I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have aggressive nipples.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
