I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
