He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
