I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
