I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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