Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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