im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
