make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hippo gnu deer
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
