You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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