imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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