shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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