Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
