the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
