We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
