Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
