I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Your cock deserves a montage
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
