I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
