i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I will die if light touches me.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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