from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The uberlube is also flammable
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
