no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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