He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
