$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My bed smells like the plague
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
