Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
