Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sext me about skeletons
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
