If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
