I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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