"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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