She said her name was "party"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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