i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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