Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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