Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
