It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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