Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
