gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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