Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
