So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
