I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
