I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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