So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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