is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
