Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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