So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
