i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I am available for nakedness
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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