okay pat passed out under dana's car
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
