I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
