he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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