Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
