Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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