I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
