When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
