this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
