I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
