tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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