i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
