I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
