in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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