It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
