Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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