So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
