READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
