come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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