If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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