Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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