idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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