dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
