I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
either way he was missing a nipple.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
