my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
